Tuesday, September 04, 2012
A FORK IN THE ROAD
After spending several days bouncing from pain to nausea and back, I finally have achieved some balance. Emerging from the fog of morphine-induced madness, I have reflected on the road before me. After much consideration, I have decided not to take chemotherapy or radiation. I discovered that I dreaded these therapies more than death. It has been very liberating to lift this weight from my mind. I know it is the right decision for me. The thought of making the two hour round trip to Traverse City five days a week for 3 to 6 weeks while feeling sick was just too much to bear. I want to spend my final days here in the woods where I belong with family and friends and my furry companions. I will be contacting hospice today.
To understand this decision, you must have the facts of the situation. This is a terminal disease I have. There is no cure. They don’t even know what causes it. At best, chemo and radiation would buy me some time. At worst, that time would be spent in agony. It’s a crapshoot. Hospice can come to my home and administer pain medication and keep me comfortable. It’s a wonderful program. Two of my closest friends have worked for hospice for years. They are a very valuable asset and I’m fortunate to know them. They assure me I’ll be well taken care of.
As I have stated before, I am not afraid of dying. At some point, I’m sure I will welcome it. Every journey involves some risk and some danger. It’s the curiosity about what may be around the next curve or over the next hill that keeps us on the road. We all know where that road leads but the adventures along the way are the best part of the journey. So - fasten your seat belts. it may be a bumpy ride!
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2 comments:
I started a comment several hours ago. Other stuff got in the way.
Anyway, for whatever my opinion is worth, I think you've made a good choice. I think it is the one I would make. I haven't seen much good come out of the treatments like that. The reduced quality of life does not appeal to me.
My apologies to anyone reading this who has chosen some other path. I can only speak for myself.
You're my hero! After sitting with my mom and my best friend through the chemo process, I always hoped that if I had to make that decision I would have the courage to choose the path you are taking. I bel'eve it's a good decision. Not an easy one, but one made with courage and love.
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